atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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