it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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