My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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