The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
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It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
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I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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