I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize