you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is my gift to your gina
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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