oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
