you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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