i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
