with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
