grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize