Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
