quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize