Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Couch. On fire.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
