We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
