i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she smelled like a LAN party
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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