I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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