grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
