I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
