She's JV to your varsity
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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