i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
