i may or may not be watching the land before time
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
