i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
