Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
