there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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