I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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