I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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