I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize