I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
