About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
