On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
