Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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