I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
