just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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