he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
