Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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