There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
