Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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