I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
