He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
