Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
