I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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