Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
