I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We got so high we made milksteak
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
