so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
