Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
