I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
