My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
