1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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