forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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