You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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