The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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