porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
