i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
