its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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