remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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