thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
