I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
