i think my tv is drunk
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
